March 14, 2003

Lies, Damned Lies, and Press Releases

The Mojo Wire fails to get noticed, thanks to Keir's blatant revisionism and managerial incompetence.

For Immediate Release 11/22/01: Local Indie-Rock Band Mired in Name-Brand Confusion!

A nasty rumour seems to be circulating among our little circle of fans, claiming us Mojos are changing our name to, among other things, "Rumpleshithead" or "Ali Baba and the 40 Fuckheads." I'd like to state for the record that these allegations are absolutely false, and refer all reporters to our latest press release:

According to Mojo Wire bassist Keir DuBois, "the band re-naming situation has become a little more complicated." DuBois notes that first of all, Mojo guitarist Joe Zulli has publicly stated that any and all name changes must be, in his opinion, "better" than the Mojo Wire (messrs. Adam Hill, Joe Zulli, Keir DuBois, Bryn DuBois). "If any suggestion does not pass Joe's iron hand of justice, then may God's mercy be upon it, for we shall show none, and continue on as the Mojo Wire."

Also, drummer Bryn DuBois has abstained from any further comment upon new nomenclature and all monikers, because of the conflict of interest concerning his efforts to assemble a new band under his leadership with guitarist Brian Wolff. However, today Keir has speculated that in fact, his brother's retreat from all comments had more to do with "Bryn not liking anything I thought up" as well as "asserting that if the three of us couldn't come up with anything decent in four days, he would arbitrarily choose a name and we'd have to live with it."

The drummer (and one-time lead guitarist for the band), who has apparently tired of their current name, was responsible for first naming the group in 1996, calling them "the Clap" before collapsing in a fit of laughter and sputtering, beer-soaked coughing. The band settled on "the Mojo Wire" early the next year, after Bryn DuBois unceremoniously dumped The Clap, deeming it "unpoetic." Comments from his mother were not available at press time. Vocalist Adam Hill, who apparently approved that suggestion, now claims to be unfazed about his band's current debacle. "I couldn't care less," he opines. "As long as I keep getting my backstage riders of Corvasier cases and the Swedish bikini team, they can call us ‘Madam Adam and the Happy Mediums'."

Zulli was similarly inspired, commenting that his suggestion "Joe Z. and the Pussycats" was at least as good as Adam's. "This name problem is complete horseshit," said Joe. "What I want to know is why Keir's so worried about this crap instead of getting gigs!" Keir had no comment, and referred Joe to their manager, Keir, who also had no comment, whereupon Joe referred Keir the bassist and Keir the manager to his lawyer, Mr. Middle Finger. The problem was compounded by the discovery of "Mojo-Wire," a central Pennsylvania jam band hoping to slip in under the radar of our heroes, whose immediate collective reaction was "Damn! Now we really have to change that #($#)&@ name!"

Previous names under consideration (and since rejected):

Inebriatron: Discarded pending legal action from Geoff Beckstrom
Aldo's Italian Restaraunt: Joe loves it, the rest don't.
Boisterous George: Adam's favorite, but too close to "Boy George."
Miracle Max: Bryn endorses, with little support.
The Choicest Hops: Keir and Joe's suggestion that makes no sense outside the NFL.
The Allmighty Dollar: Keir's pick til Owen comdemned as "too political."
Fighter Hayabusa: Bryn's nostalgic Nintendo reference that Joe despises.
Covered In Bees: The Eddie Izzard reference that no one gets.
The Owies: Emily's choice, discared as "too childish."
Gotcha Last: Keir's suggestion, ditched as "too immature."
Evasive Action: Met with indifference, used later in lyrics.

For Immediate Release 12/27/02: Local Musician's Attempts at "Renaissance Man" Status Potentially Libellous

Onetime Mojo Wire bassist Keir DuBois has raised the ire of his former bandmates by shamelessly trading on his time spent with them, turning their collective experiences into, as he puts it "a half-assed work of fiction." The project, which began in a fit of creative and professional desperation, apparently attempts to chronicle the band in the period from May 1998 to June 2001, in great (and some say exaggerated) detail.

Dissenting complaints have piled up ever since December 15, when DuBois dispatched a sample of the text, entitled A Festering Epidemic of Island Fever (in which the band break up during a flight to their last gig in Honolulu) to several major universities in an effort to gain admission to various graduate writing programs. "The whole thing's been blown out of proportion," DuBois laments. "I just wanted it to be a fun bit of nostalgia, you know, on the popularity of which I might be able to ride to king-hell fame and fortune."

Addressing his detractors, DuBois displays amazing amounts of denial, hubris, and pretension. "It's not about the Mojo Wire," he claims. "There's significant resemblances to the guys in the band and others in and around the organization, but it's a work of fiction, and isn't meant to be a biography or memoir or anything like that." What it will most likely be, according to other band members (as well as friends and acquaintances), is a whitewash, and an extremely fictitious one at that. "The actual events don't resemble anything we did at all," admits ex-Mojo drummer (and current Honey White frontman) Bryn DuBois. "I mean, the tour he has us undertake for our third record was about three laps around California, for crissakes, which we frankly did not, nor could not, do at the time."

"That's not the worst thing about it," adds Mojo guitarist Joe Zulli. "The stupid bastard spreads his point of view over two characters- one that's kind of like the fat, balding, opinionated bass player, and the other is, I think, a younger, cooler, chick-magnet writer, which is of course totally ridiculous. I mean, who on earth would believe a skinny writer would ever be any kind of Cassanova?" DuBois counters that Zulli may be merely unhappy that his own doppelganger has a background as a Blink-182 roadie.

The jury is still out on the quality of the actual work, though- the judgement of which remains to be seen. "I won't know if I'm admitted until around April or so," frets Keir. "So if I'm not, stand back, cause I'm sure that everyone's gonna be intent on bloody vengeance for all of the supposed blasphemous libel in my writing."

For Immediate Release 2/21/03: One-Time Local Hero Secretly Revisits Scenes of His Fame

Erstwhile Mojo Wire frontman Adam Hill has returned to Santa Barbara, making an appearance in Isla Vista to cheer on his former bandmates in SB rock combo Honey White.

"It's great to be back here," commented Hill upon query. "I mean, I know this is Santa Barbara and all but you have to understand- Marie and I are coming back from Aliso Viejo, the soul-sucking center of Orange County's cosmic hell."

When pressed that surely, his last residence might not have been as purgatorial as remembered, he became visibly irked. "No no," he continued, "I meant what I said. When Bryn and Keir were down here a month ago they mentioned having a little culture shock returning to O.C.- but I think it's worse than that. The whole area down there is under a culture coma. It's that bad."

Hill would not comment on possible musical activity he might undertake while here in town. "I was thinking about getting my feet wet via recording some reinterpretations of Mojo Wire classics," he opined. "You know, like ‘Margarita' as heavy metal or ‘Your Mama's A Ho' as polka. The possibility is there, make no mistake."

However, he foiled a plan to get him onstage that night, hatched by Honey White frontman Bryn DuBois, who lamented "Adam sneaked away before we could ask him- I think he may have been tipped off, and when I find the scum-sucking fool that did it, they will indeed fear my wrath."

Drummer Billy Fedderson was less volatile: "I'd have loved it," he said. "Sharing the stage with the author of ‘Margarita' would be epic," to which his bandmates heartily agreed, and urged fans to keep their eyes and ears open for future collaboration.

For Immediate Release 3/14/03: Local Indie-Rock Band Releases Revisionist Retrospective

Mojo Wire bassist Keir DuBois revealed today that he is deep into a remastering project of the four albums made by that band in their six year history. "I like to call it ‘remastering'," he noted, "but it's really just an excuse for me to use some new compression and equalization software on our albums." Questions directed toward the idea that the Mojo Wire's albums are beyond any sort of studio help, professional or otherwise, were condescendingly dismissed.

"No, they don't sound like professional recordings at all," admitted the bassist. "We recorded them to analogue tape in mono, for crissakes- they're not going to sound top notch." "However," he continued, "they will now sound like they belong in the upper echelon of the bottom-notch, shall we say." At least one of the CDs, 2001's You're On Your Own will have bonus material.

In addition to the work done on the older albums, DuBois hinted at the limited release of a Mojo Wire compilation, "to put all of our more palatable stuff into one place." The album, to be titled Low Fidelity Favorites, will be augmented with a re-issued version of the band's rare outtakes album, Bedrock Crude. "It may not have the same track list, and in fact I'm not sure what will be on it- with a few exceptions, of course."

DuBois also confirmed that such notoriously bizarre Mojo tracks like "March of the Idiots" and "This is the Chorus" will sit alongside a few live recordings from the band's 2001 performances. "The quality is at the same level- the live stuff is about as chaotic and unprofessional as the funnier songs are dumb and crude." Comments from his ex-bandmates could not be acquired at press time. The albums are due to be re-released sometime in April 2003.

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