March 20, 2004

Sally's Survey, y'all

What time is it: Hang time, all the time.

What time do you get up: I don't get up; I GIT ON UP.

Name: Keir

Name as it appears on birth certificate: Jean-Keir DuBois, Unimpeachable Genius.

Nickname: Gnarly Doobage.

Number of candles on your last birthday cake: Two candles. One was a "2", and one was a "7". Yep, you guessed it, I'm 72.

Pets: I keep my younger brother in a kennel cab out on the balcony. Once in a while I let him out to, you know, eat and pee and sing for the band and stuff.

Natural Hair color: Ah yes. Well, let's just say this falls under the "Once Upon A Time" category.

Body Piercing: Um, no.

Eye color: Fuscia. Matches my clothing on certain days, yo.

How much do you love your job on a Scale of 1 to 10: I'll echo Bryn here: "10 -- I'm unemployed!"

Birth Place: Orange, CA. As soon as I slithered out my parents said "sweet Jesus, what have we done?!?", and decided to raise me in Dana Point for my own good and their own misunderstandings. Ah, the OC. If it weren't so mind-numbingly conservative, it'd be almost pretty.

Current Residence: Isla Vista, CA. It's not, as some would have you believe, the 'hood of Santa Barbara. Neither is the Milpas area, but the few cholos who live there like to think it is. Posers.

Favorite food: Burritos. Hey, speaking of...

If you could have lunch with ANY one person, who would it be: Your Mom. Ok, ok, won't start that again,

Who would you least like to be stuck in an elevator with: Anyone who doesn't have bad BO or debilitating halitosis. Anyone who voted (or who says they voted) for George W. Bush. Anyone who is a religious fundamentalist (from any religion). Anyone who doesn't find me mind-alteringly attractive. I could go on, but there's only so many peeps in the world.

Do you prefer gold or silver: Silver. Gold is for cowards.

Do you prefer radio or television: That's a difficult question. Both are so packed to the gills with blatant stupidity that it's almost a moot point, but then TV does have the Daily Show, so I'll say TV.

Been to Africa: No. Sean's got that covered for me. I'll go to Africa when people start treating it better, instead of as the unwanted stepchild of all the continents.

Been toilet papering: No. TP is expensive, dammit.

Love someone so much it made you cry: Duh.

Have you been in a car accident: Thanks be to Elvis I have not.

Do you prefer Croutons or bacon bits: ............ Wait a sec. I've seen this devious question before. I take the 5th.

Favorite day of the week: Used to be Friday Flip-Up Day, but once a social stigma was attached to that I decided to go with the refeshingly surreal Thursday Opposite Day. As a matter of fact, I've heard that this is the Preznit's favorite day as well, cause then everyone is obligated to believe he's not an ignorant jackass. So maybe that's not my favorite day. I'll go with Wednesday Wedding day, or, as we say in 2004, Wednesday All-American Same-Sex Civil Union Vegas Quickie Day. Anything to get that tax break, kiddies.

Favorite word or phrase: "Chickenshit". We're up to our eyeballs in that these days, aren't we?

Favorite Restaurant: Anything that doesn't serve up that low-carb stuff. What a load of feces.

What do you have for breakfast: Fox News pundits. I mop the floor with those immoral cowards.

Favorite flower: Flour.

Favorite sport to play: Yuppie-punting. Yep, still love to kick the shit outta them yuppies.

Favorite drink: Newcastle Brown Ale. Okay, so it's only 4%. I'm a pussy. Right, Hilarie?

Favorite Ice Cream: Ice cream fucks up my digestion these days, so I'm taking the 5th here as well. You don't want to know anything else about that.

Favorite fast food restaurant: Wahoo's. Oh how I miss my Wahoo's. In fact, that's my primary reason for wanting to leave Santa Barbara. That and no one here wants to give me a job.

What color is your bedroom carpet: "Random Stain Brown". No really, it is.

How many times did you fail your drivers test: Never. Came this close though, for rolling through a stop sign.

Besides this one, from whom did get your last e-mail: My U2-geeky buddies from @U2.

Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: what, you mean if I had a credit card?

What do you do most often when you are bored: Think of something to do, you twit.

Most annoying thing people ask/tell me: ask: "Have you found your place in the Heavenly Kingdom of Our Lord Jesus Christ?" To which I say, "well, God already knows the answer to that, dumbass, so why the hell should I tell you?"

tell: "Go fuck yourself". Mm-hm. That one chaps my hide every time.

Bedtime: 2am. Mostly.

Who will respond to this email the quickest: No one. My email-funny has gone down the tubes in recent years.

Who is the person you sent this to that is least likely to respond: Bryn. He knows all this already. I've given up sending these to Emily because she has to live with my dumb shit every day.

Favorite TV show: Funny Fake News with Jon Stewart and his Many Hilarious Homies.

Other than your mate, who was the last person you went out to dinner with: Yeah, Bryn's right, that's an Animal Planet question that I don't need to dignify.

Porsche or BMW: Neither. I am not, per se, a Car Guy. I know jack about fixing them too.

What is the last music you listened to: an epic instrumental band from Tejas called Explosions in the Sky. Oh yes, how they rock.

Time you finished this e-mail: Yeah, what Bryn said: "Why put this in the middle of the damn thing? I don't know yet -- I've got more crap to answer!"

Who was your first love: Your M... never mind.

What was your first language: English. I know smatterings of Geek (in many of its dialects, Jive (but only what MTV taught me, of course), Bureaucrat, and Political Junkie. I pretend to know Rock but anyone who knows me has realized that I only know enough of that one to get by.

Where would you live if any place in the world: It would have to have a Mediterranean or mild climate. I'm a meteorological wimp.

Overall, do you prefer beach, city or country: Like, beach, man. Even though I like, never learned to surf and haven't like had a tan since like the 4th grade. Like.

Fizzy or still water, as a drink: Still. Don't be hosin' my nose, yose.

How many keys on your key ring: 535. One for every office in the U.S. Congress. I'm on everyone's speed-dial, dude.

Red or white wine: Neither. I ain't no wino,

What did you do on your last birthday: Got #*&#(^@! older.

Who could you trust to hold your winning Lottery ticket for you: No one. I was born paranoid.

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