July 31, 2005

Young Prince Is Crowned

Yep, Ryno's in Cooperstown. Here's his classy induction speech (via Tony The Great Podcaster).

Ryne Sandberg was my favorite player when I was in little league. I was never on a team that had a Cub uniform, though. One year I was even a Cardinal. I don't know who to apologize to about that.

Today Emily saw a photo of Sandberg at his induction and another from his playing days and she said "you guys even look a bit alike too." She didn't specify how but that wasn't really necessary. Did I mention she's a keeper?

Now I wish I could find those damn baseball cards. No no, my mom didn't toss them, like so many moms did of my dad's generation. I think they just got lost in the recent move from I.V. to Ventura...

Next (and this is for J.C.): Paging Mr. Gwynn...

July 27, 2005

I'm Stupid, Part XXVIII

So I was checking around for some info on U2's Oslo set and I come across this on a great French fansite:

01. Vertigo 02. 11 O'Clock Tick Tock 03. Electric Co. 04. Elevation 05. Last Night On Earth 06. Beautiful Day 07. Until The End Of The World 08. Who's Gonna Ride Your Wild Horses 09. City Of Blinding Lights 10. Miracle Drug 11. Sometimes You Can't Make It On Your Own 12. Love And Peace Or Else 13. Staring At The Sun 14. Fast Cars 15. Miss Sarajevo 16. Please 17. Where The Streets Have No Name 18. One

Rappel : 19. Ultraviolet 20. The Fly 21. Crumbs From Your Table 22. All Because of You 23. Electrical Storm 24. Vertigo

...which I immediately posted a few other places and went "wow!" Granted, I had some caveats there like "if this is for real" and stuff but if I could actually read French I'd have known it was a joke set. First time I've fallen for something like this.

Oh well.

I should have explained why this set caught my eye- and why I'm such a sucker. Please & Staring At The Sun are two Pop album songs that were played occassionally on the Elevation tour. Ultraviolet and Last Night On Earth were great workhorses from Zoo TV and PopMart respectively that have not been played since their respective tours and have no logical reason to be brought out now (though the band has un-mothballed Zoo Station). Fast Cars, Electrical Storm and Crumbs are 3 newer songs that haven't been played yet. Everything else has seen some airtime on this year's tour- lending a little credence- yep, even the obscure Miss Sarajevo and also Wild Horses (which went unplayed for over a decade til this past June).

What should also have tipped me off that this was bogus was the absence of the "war is hell" part of the set: Love & Peace/Sunday Bloody Sunday/Bullet/Running To Stand Still (since replaced by Sarajevo). It's the first peak of the show, before the Zoo TV one-two redux of Zoo Station & The Fly.


July 19, 2005

Shorter Rest-of-High-School

Because hey, prequels to established hits are always moneymakers...

9th grade, 91/92:
Keir: Holy shit.
DHHS: That’s right, freshman. Deal widdit.
Keir: Uh, soccer?
DHHS: Forget it.
Keir: Baseball?
DHHS: Sorry, dude. Ask AYSO.
Keir: Okay. Uh, what else you got?
DHHS: How about more homework? It’s easy, but there’s lots of it.
Keir: Uh, sure, I guess. Hey, what about all those hot chicks over there? Or those other chicks staring at me?
DHHS: We’ll get to that later. The teachers think you’re pretty smart, though.
Keir: Oh, that’s nice. How about the dudes? Are we still cool?
Jon: Word.
Ray: Word.
Other Random Dudes: Word.
Keir: Sweet.
AYSO: Hey man.
Keir: ‘Sup. Is it on?
AYSO: You know it. Your coach might be more of a hardass this year, though.
Keir: Damn. Guess I can deal.
AYSO: I thought so. Late.
Jon: Let’s gamble. You still in?
Keir: Sure.
Bryn: Junior high sucks.
Keir: Hang in there, man. Just don’t touch Dad’s crappy old guitar, or the pea coat. They’re mine, dig?
Bryn: Well shit. I’m going sailing.
Lis: Keir, you listen to the Police too much. Sting’s not really that cool.
Keir: No no, he’ll be cool for another year or so, but then he’ll be a wanker ever after. Good thing there’s these U2 guys I guess. They’ll never be uncool, right?
Lis: Um...
Keir: Whatever. Wish I was in a band.
DHHS: Sorry kid. Hey, if it matters, people will think you’re cool anyway. By the way, some of those girls like you.
Keir: Really? Sweet.
DHHS: Whoa there. You, uh, (improvises) wouldn’t like them. Trust me. You won’t regret it if you don’t ask them out. Really.
Keir: Are you sure?
DHHS: Uh, yeah man.
Keir: Oh, okay. Um, what about… let’s see… Jenny?
Katye: …
Jenny: You’re sweet, but don’t even think about it.
Keir: Shit. Samantha?
Katye: …
Samantha: DHHS sucks.
DHHS: Hey! Just for that, I’m making you all go to 10th grade.
Dad: Wait a sec- my kids have to hang in G-town for a few hot, boring weeks in midsummer again.
Keir/Bryn/Lis: Oh, okay.

10th grade, ‘92/’93:
Keir: Man, Achtung Baby rocks. Why do I always get these things a year later?
Life: Dude, you’re a firstborn late bloomer. Didn’t I already tell you that?
Keir: Maybe. I don’t remember. Oh, Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas rocks too.
Life: Yeah, I knew that. Hey, you know what you could use right now?
Keir: Uh, a bass guitar? A girlfriend? A social life? A haircut? A new creative outlet? What?
Life: Well, yeah, to all of that, but I’m gonna give you… a broken toe and a broken collarbone all at once!
AYSO: Hey, that was my present, man!
Life: Yeah, well, that’s life. Bye!
AYSO: Oh, oh yeah. Bye!
Keir: Ouch. I mean, OUCH. Damn, crutches suck. Clavicle halters suck too.
Girls: We empathize. Or sympathize. Or something.
Keir: Really? Want some mix tapes? Or hand-drawn portraits? Will you go out with me now?
Girls: Yes, yes, guess so, and no, in that order.
DHHS: Relax, guy. Your teachers still think you rock. Oh, except the fundie PE coach.
Keir: Well, fuck him. Anyway, I’m all better now.
Jon: Sweet. Let’s go watch the football team lose again.
Keir: But they won this time. Hey, shouldn’t we join some clubs or something?
Jon: I’m already playing baseball, man. You can too, but only winter ball.
DHHS: Let’s make it easy- Try some academic ones, then ditch ‘em, then try the trivia team, and then why not go ahead to 11th grade? You’ll have more fun there.
Keir: Okay, I can do that. How about driving?
Mom: Better wait on that, dear.
Keir: Oh. Can I at least bail on Dad’s this summer?
Dad: No. You have to meet my new girlfriend and all of her family this time too.
Keir/Bryn/Lis: Oh. Okay, whatever.

11th grade, ‘93/’94:
Keir: Am I gonna get the hang of this shit yet?
Life: What, like avoiding more scenes of crippling embarrassment? Call me in 10 years, man.
Keir: Shit. Well, what the hell am I supposed to do now?
DHHS: Why not try to get in with the ASB kids? They’re doing a Homecoming Float and they need some lights on it.
Keir: Oh, sure, cool. Hey, will any of those girls like me? They’re hot too.
DHHS: No, but most (though not all) of them are shallow anyway. Don’t sweat it. This’ll be fun.
Laguna Firestorm: No way, bitch, I don’t think so. Welcome to the Terrordome.
DHHS: Holy shit!
Keir: (cough) Well, can I still be the Fat Vegas Elvis?
DHHS: (distracted) Uh, okay man, sure, but dig: you’ll be forced into an awkward situation later with your parents and your dad’s girlfriend and stuff, so don’t get too excited.
Keir: Oh. Damn. Hey Rest Of The Float People. Hey Brynley.
Brynley: Just sit on the float, dude. Chill.
DHHS: Okay, okay. Back to class, people. Oh, and Keir, Chemistry hates you.
Keir: Fuck. What about Astronomy?
DHHS: Rock on.
Keir: Sweet. What else is up?
Jon: Hey.
Nick: Hey.
Kevin: Hey.
Keir: ‘Sup y’all. Shall we roll?
Jon/Nick/Kevin: Word, let’s roll.
Keir: Awesome.
Bryn & Adam: Hey, we’re representin’ too, yo.
Keir: Lemme get back to you on that. Sit tight.
Sophomore Girls: Hey Keir.
Keir: Hey ladies.
Sophomore Girls: …
Keir: ….
Nick: Dude, we’re rollin’ here.
Jon: Rollin’ retro, even.
Kevin: Just get in the fucking car, man.
Keir: What? Oh, oh yeah.
AP Exams: Keir?
Keir: Yeah?
AP Exams: We's your bitch.
Keir: Damn right you is.
Kiwanis Bowl: Hey, Keir & Jon?
Keir: Yeah?
Jon: Yeah?
Kiwanis Bowl: You guys is some smart motherfuckers.
Keir: Fuckin’ A we are.
DHHS: Keir?
Keir: Yeah?
DHHS: Your teachers still dig you. Have some awards, man. Stroke that ego.
Keir: That’s what I’m talkin’ bout.
Dad: Hey, did you and your brother and sister get up to G-town this summer? I don’t remember.
Keir: Uh, come to think of it, I don’t remember either. Let’s just skip it, okay?

July 15, 2005

Shorter Senior Year

Delayed reaction to the reunion, I suppose:


State of California: Okay Keir, have a driver’s license. Great power, great responsibility, blah blah blah.
Keir: Awesome. I can do all kinds of stuff now. Mom, can I borrow the car?
Mom: Sure, J.K. By the way, my old friend Bill is moving in with us. I really like him and I hope you kids do too.
Keir: That’s cool.
Bryn & Lis: Oh, okay.
Bill: Hi kids.
Keir/Bryn/Lis: Hi Bill. Don’t be weird.
Bill: Wouldn’t dream of it. Thanks for not hating me.
Bryn: No prob.
Lis: Ditto.
Keir: Cool. Hey, am I still responsible for all that AP summer work?
DHHS: Of course you are, you fool. You’re a senior now, but you can’t act like one just yet.
Keir: Shit.
Colette: Dude, don’t worry about it. We can all help each other out.
Kevin: Yeah man, we got your back.
Nick: Hey, Keir, aren’t you gonna join the Newspaper staff with us?
Jon: Or take Marine Bio and go on the Baja trip in May? It’s gonna be epic.
Keir: No thanks. Besides, it’s not anything I won’t regret later, you know?
Jon/Nick/Kevin: If you say so, man.
Keir: What?
Jon: Nothing. Hey, gotta go, Kathy’s calling.
Nick: Cool. Hey, gotta go, I’m avoiding Adrienne.
Kevin: Pricks. Hey, aren’t we all going to Homecoming or something?
Nick: Damn right we are, and I nominate myself for Homecoming King. Are you with me?
Jon/Keir/Kevin: Right on. You won’t win it, though.
Keir: Holy shit, I need a date.
Colette: Dude, like I said, don’t stress. Let me hook you up.
Keir: Nice. Thanks babe. This is gonna be great. What could possibly go wrong?
Melissa: Hi Keir.
Keir: Do I know you?
Melissa: No, but would you mind if I manipulate your shockingly underdeveloped emotional state for a few weeks?
Keir: Um, do I have a choice?
Melissa: No.
Keir: Oh. Wow, this is really cool and really sucky all at once.
Melissa: That’s nice. Bye!
Keir: Damn. I hate everything.
Nick: Keir, how often do we have to tell you to lighten the fuck up? You’ve applied to UCSB and you know they’ll accept you, and the ratio there is totally to your advantage. Now why don’t you come along to this New Year’s party that we’re throwing at Jon’s house? It’ll be amazing.
Keir: Really? Do his parents know?
Jon: Don’t be stupid. All we have to do is get some beer, invite some people, go absolutely batshit crazy, and promise ourselves that we’ll be sufficiently with it to clean everything up in the morning. It’ll work.
Nick: Trust us.
Kevin: Yeah, if I buy this, then you should feel okay about it too.
Keir: Well, fine, let’s do it then.
Party Guests: This is awesome!!
Bryn: Yuck, beer tastes like horse piss. I’ll never ever drink it again.
Jon/Nick: This is great. We’re geniuses.
Party Guests: Yeah! You guys rock!!
Jon’s Mom: Like hell they do. You’re all doomed. I’m Ezekiel 25:17-ing all of your asses.
Jon: Oh shit.
Nick: Damn.
Kevin: Later!
Keir: Fuck.
Keir’s Mom: Keir, you’re grounded. No going out, and if you do, you lose the car until you get a job.
Keir: Well, bummer, cause we have a basketball game to go to.
Mom: Enjoy walking then.
Keir: Fine. I so will not regret this later.
Nick: That’s the spirit. The 6th Man Club rules!
Jon: The Screaming Mimes rock!
Keir: Who are the Screaming Mimes?
Kevin: I guess that’s us 4. Hey, aren’t we all going Winter Formal or something?

Nick: Of course we are. We own this fucking place now.
Keir: Holy shit, then I need a date again.
Aileen: I can help you out with that.
Keir: Really? Sweet.
Aileen: Sure. Just eat your dinner and dance badly and try not to embarrass me or yourself.
Keir: Deal. You look damn good in that dress.
Aileen: Thanks. Bye!
Nick: Now wasn’t that nice? Hell, didn’t I say we owned this place?
DHHS: I don’t think so. Your teachers say y’all got senior-itis and you’re so, so busted. Pick up your grades or you can forget about college.
Keir: Shit!
UCSB: Chill, my friend. You are accepted to attend college. Just don’t do anything stupid between now and September and you’re set.
Keir: Oh, okay. Thanks. Does Air Guitar count as something stupid?
Nick: Of course not. Now listen, we’ll portray the Stones. We just need one more guy.
Crosby: Look no further. I am after all a real guitar player, you know.
Jon: Cool man, let’s rock.
Keir: Wish I had a bass guitar.
Crosby: You will man, you will. I’ll play you a Jeff Buckley album later that will make you feel better. Now just play us some air drums.
Air Guitar Audience: Woo hoo! You guys so totally rock pretending to rock!
Nick: Don’t we know it. Now watch these tight silver pants.
Keir’s Mom: This is hilarious.
Nick: Oh shit! It’s Miriam!
Keir: Ha ha. Hey gang, I gotta go on a Tijuana field trip for my Spanish class. Later.
Jon/Nick/Kevin: Hey man, when you get on that bus, you go there.
Keir: Word. I have a good feeling about this.
Nicki: Hi Keir, nice to meet you.
Keir: Oh hello, aren’t you a beautiful and intelligent and, um, limber gymnast.
Nicki: Thanks, you’re sweet.
Keir: Thanks. Hey, wanna go out sometime?
Nicki: Sure, that sounds like fun.
Keir: Score! I’m an expert when it comes to creatively wasting time. You’ll dig it, I promise.
Nicki: Excellent. So, are you my boyfriend now?
Keir: Hell yes. Are you my girlfriend now?
Nicki: Why not? That’s a great idea. I can give you about 10 months of my life before I break your heart.
Keir: How generous of you. How about going with me to Prom then?
Nicki: Now you’re talking. Let’s do that thing where we spend lots of time together and stuff.
Keir: Now you’re talking. This is fantastic. Wow, prom is actually lots of fun. Unbelievable. Hey, why is the limo clunking?
Megan: There’s a flat tire.
Dana: Yep. Lucky for us there’s another limo out here at 3am to pick us up.
Crosby: All aboard, yo. I’d offer you my flask, but it’s totally gone and I’m a bit wasted. Sorry.
Keir: No worries. Thanks for everything.
Nicki: Well that was nice. So, why don't we do the Capo Beach bonfire thing? Megan and Dana and everyone will be there.
Keir: Sure. Let me just invite one more couple. Well, they’re not really a couple, but you know what I mean.
Bryn: Seriously man, sometimes being your younger brother isn’t lame. Don’t blow it now.
Keir: Sorry. Hey, where’s Adam?
Bryn: Over there with Alexis.
Keir: Hey Adam. Welcome to the show.
Adam: ‘Sup. Hey, aren’t you supposed to be graduating soon?
Keir: Think so. Maybe I’ll just do it right now. Is that cool?
DHHS: Yeah, that’s cool, but I gotta tell you man, it’s gonna be 3 hours, hot as hell, and your dad and his girlfriend are gonna sit on the opposite end of the stadium from everyone else.
Keir: Well, will Mom, Bill, Grandpa, Eva, Bryn, Lis, and Nicki all be there too?
All of those people: Of course we will. We love you.
Keir: Awesome. So, will Grad Night go well?
DHHS: Natch. Peace out.

July 11, 2005

So, the Reunion

In short it was very enjoyable and not really anything like I'd expected. Everyone there seemed happy to find out about the people everyone had become. Most everyone looked the same too. No fair naming names of those who didn't (but I'm one of them). I knew what kind of night it would be when Nurick (sober or not) seemed to test things out with a horrible shriek while everyone was eating. Silence, then stares, then, uh, smiles. Oh, it's just Ben- didn't he ever learn to be melodramatic! Something like that. Still, the congenial vibe did nothing to alter my urge for Strong Drink, but in the spirit of compromise I mostly stuck to beer- that is, until Brandon said "here, have some of this nice vodka!" Bustamante and I began immediately planning a double bill with our two bands (he plays bass for Crosby in Attached By Wires). Holly just laughed. She apparently enjoyed being the only woman at the table

Like I said, no major appearance changes. The guys were suave (or close enough) and the women were all hot, notably also those who were pregnant. What the hell- envy is for the maggot-brained. Except for a few notable cases I was not unrecognized, and apparently look badass when bald, according to Cota at least. The coolest part was that the first thing people said after "hello" was "so... you're in a band?" like graphic design was second to that. I wasn't even drunk yet and the egomania was already upon me. Also about that- and this is weirdly ironic- I noticed that by the end of the night those of us who were having trouble holding our liquor all happened to be the ones who went to UCSB. Again, no fair naming names, but that was mildly amusing in a totally non-judgemental way.

Long and Tara emceed a slide show that was less an exercise in nostalgia and more of a Trip Through Colette's Rap Sheet. I spent less time watching the slides than watching everyone else watch them. They also charged through a series of questions mostly for the sake of those who had racked up numbers- either in years married, distance traveled, or (and this was undoubtedly only for Stephanie Spencer) number of divorces. Her response was right on- "fuck you Long, you motherfucker!" Again, or something like that. Skye indiscriminately dragged everyone out to dance. I tried to say something about how this is why I learned to play guitar, so I wouldn't have to learn to dance- and she merely pointed at Bustamante and Crosby (who were getting uninhibited) and had the decency to not call me a pussy before getting me out there. She knew I lied- hey, as a bass player I have some rhythm.

Oh, and Nick got his props as well (and not just in that I supplied an Air Guitar slideshow pic of him in silver spandex). When Tara mentioned that he was in Iraq people went from surprise (not shock) to confident acceptance in a strikingly short time, especially once they found out that he controls the big fuck-off tanks, and that his men have an able leader. When he gets back here we'll be so happy to see him that his feet won't touch the ground.

Many people (mostly women), to their credit, were happy to humor me and listen to me yak on and on about my band, especially (all maiden names supplied cause I don't remember their married names) Jessica Stalin, Alyssa Maitino, Jenny Eckl and Karey Fellers. Most everyone had the same reaction as Nick did to news of me and Emily and our 7 unmarried years, but J.C. put it best- "Dude, what the fuck are you waiting for?" Well fine, see if you all get invited then. Just kidding. Everyone's spouses were cool, everyone's baby pictures were cute, all that stuff. It wasn't at all like there was a married side and an unmarried side to the thing- people didn't care, and again, everyone's spouses were troupers.

The location was strange- I'd never been there before. The Remick Mansion is in the airport area of Irvine/Newport, surrounded by five-star hotels and office towers. Another reunion being held nearby ended up filtering into ours- and they said ours was much better. Who bailed? Hessel. Carlos Betancourt. Sam Smrekar. Kelly Miles. All folks (save Sam) that I haven't seen in way too long. They'll have to wait then. Another best part was (for me) having the lifers there- like Maile Malin and JC. There were a few others from elementary school too- everyone who's known how to say my name since we were six.

Anyway, from what I saw- nothing excessively sentimental or cheesy or whatever else these things are supposed to be like. That's just me, but I liked it.

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