July 15, 2005

Shorter Senior Year

Delayed reaction to the reunion, I suppose:


State of California: Okay Keir, have a driver’s license. Great power, great responsibility, blah blah blah.
Keir: Awesome. I can do all kinds of stuff now. Mom, can I borrow the car?
Mom: Sure, J.K. By the way, my old friend Bill is moving in with us. I really like him and I hope you kids do too.
Keir: That’s cool.
Bryn & Lis: Oh, okay.
Bill: Hi kids.
Keir/Bryn/Lis: Hi Bill. Don’t be weird.
Bill: Wouldn’t dream of it. Thanks for not hating me.
Bryn: No prob.
Lis: Ditto.
Keir: Cool. Hey, am I still responsible for all that AP summer work?
DHHS: Of course you are, you fool. You’re a senior now, but you can’t act like one just yet.
Keir: Shit.
Colette: Dude, don’t worry about it. We can all help each other out.
Kevin: Yeah man, we got your back.
Nick: Hey, Keir, aren’t you gonna join the Newspaper staff with us?
Jon: Or take Marine Bio and go on the Baja trip in May? It’s gonna be epic.
Keir: No thanks. Besides, it’s not anything I won’t regret later, you know?
Jon/Nick/Kevin: If you say so, man.
Keir: What?
Jon: Nothing. Hey, gotta go, Kathy’s calling.
Nick: Cool. Hey, gotta go, I’m avoiding Adrienne.
Kevin: Pricks. Hey, aren’t we all going to Homecoming or something?
Nick: Damn right we are, and I nominate myself for Homecoming King. Are you with me?
Jon/Keir/Kevin: Right on. You won’t win it, though.
Keir: Holy shit, I need a date.
Colette: Dude, like I said, don’t stress. Let me hook you up.
Keir: Nice. Thanks babe. This is gonna be great. What could possibly go wrong?
Melissa: Hi Keir.
Keir: Do I know you?
Melissa: No, but would you mind if I manipulate your shockingly underdeveloped emotional state for a few weeks?
Keir: Um, do I have a choice?
Melissa: No.
Keir: Oh. Wow, this is really cool and really sucky all at once.
Melissa: That’s nice. Bye!
Keir: Damn. I hate everything.
Nick: Keir, how often do we have to tell you to lighten the fuck up? You’ve applied to UCSB and you know they’ll accept you, and the ratio there is totally to your advantage. Now why don’t you come along to this New Year’s party that we’re throwing at Jon’s house? It’ll be amazing.
Keir: Really? Do his parents know?
Jon: Don’t be stupid. All we have to do is get some beer, invite some people, go absolutely batshit crazy, and promise ourselves that we’ll be sufficiently with it to clean everything up in the morning. It’ll work.
Nick: Trust us.
Kevin: Yeah, if I buy this, then you should feel okay about it too.
Keir: Well, fine, let’s do it then.
Party Guests: This is awesome!!
Bryn: Yuck, beer tastes like horse piss. I’ll never ever drink it again.
Jon/Nick: This is great. We’re geniuses.
Party Guests: Yeah! You guys rock!!
Jon’s Mom: Like hell they do. You’re all doomed. I’m Ezekiel 25:17-ing all of your asses.
Jon: Oh shit.
Nick: Damn.
Kevin: Later!
Keir: Fuck.
Keir’s Mom: Keir, you’re grounded. No going out, and if you do, you lose the car until you get a job.
Keir: Well, bummer, cause we have a basketball game to go to.
Mom: Enjoy walking then.
Keir: Fine. I so will not regret this later.
Nick: That’s the spirit. The 6th Man Club rules!
Jon: The Screaming Mimes rock!
Keir: Who are the Screaming Mimes?
Kevin: I guess that’s us 4. Hey, aren’t we all going Winter Formal or something?

Nick: Of course we are. We own this fucking place now.
Keir: Holy shit, then I need a date again.
Aileen: I can help you out with that.
Keir: Really? Sweet.
Aileen: Sure. Just eat your dinner and dance badly and try not to embarrass me or yourself.
Keir: Deal. You look damn good in that dress.
Aileen: Thanks. Bye!
Nick: Now wasn’t that nice? Hell, didn’t I say we owned this place?
DHHS: I don’t think so. Your teachers say y’all got senior-itis and you’re so, so busted. Pick up your grades or you can forget about college.
Keir: Shit!
UCSB: Chill, my friend. You are accepted to attend college. Just don’t do anything stupid between now and September and you’re set.
Keir: Oh, okay. Thanks. Does Air Guitar count as something stupid?
Nick: Of course not. Now listen, we’ll portray the Stones. We just need one more guy.
Crosby: Look no further. I am after all a real guitar player, you know.
Jon: Cool man, let’s rock.
Keir: Wish I had a bass guitar.
Crosby: You will man, you will. I’ll play you a Jeff Buckley album later that will make you feel better. Now just play us some air drums.
Air Guitar Audience: Woo hoo! You guys so totally rock pretending to rock!
Nick: Don’t we know it. Now watch these tight silver pants.
Keir’s Mom: This is hilarious.
Nick: Oh shit! It’s Miriam!
Keir: Ha ha. Hey gang, I gotta go on a Tijuana field trip for my Spanish class. Later.
Jon/Nick/Kevin: Hey man, when you get on that bus, you go there.
Keir: Word. I have a good feeling about this.
Nicki: Hi Keir, nice to meet you.
Keir: Oh hello, aren’t you a beautiful and intelligent and, um, limber gymnast.
Nicki: Thanks, you’re sweet.
Keir: Thanks. Hey, wanna go out sometime?
Nicki: Sure, that sounds like fun.
Keir: Score! I’m an expert when it comes to creatively wasting time. You’ll dig it, I promise.
Nicki: Excellent. So, are you my boyfriend now?
Keir: Hell yes. Are you my girlfriend now?
Nicki: Why not? That’s a great idea. I can give you about 10 months of my life before I break your heart.
Keir: How generous of you. How about going with me to Prom then?
Nicki: Now you’re talking. Let’s do that thing where we spend lots of time together and stuff.
Keir: Now you’re talking. This is fantastic. Wow, prom is actually lots of fun. Unbelievable. Hey, why is the limo clunking?
Megan: There’s a flat tire.
Dana: Yep. Lucky for us there’s another limo out here at 3am to pick us up.
Crosby: All aboard, yo. I’d offer you my flask, but it’s totally gone and I’m a bit wasted. Sorry.
Keir: No worries. Thanks for everything.
Nicki: Well that was nice. So, why don't we do the Capo Beach bonfire thing? Megan and Dana and everyone will be there.
Keir: Sure. Let me just invite one more couple. Well, they’re not really a couple, but you know what I mean.
Bryn: Seriously man, sometimes being your younger brother isn’t lame. Don’t blow it now.
Keir: Sorry. Hey, where’s Adam?
Bryn: Over there with Alexis.
Keir: Hey Adam. Welcome to the show.
Adam: ‘Sup. Hey, aren’t you supposed to be graduating soon?
Keir: Think so. Maybe I’ll just do it right now. Is that cool?
DHHS: Yeah, that’s cool, but I gotta tell you man, it’s gonna be 3 hours, hot as hell, and your dad and his girlfriend are gonna sit on the opposite end of the stadium from everyone else.
Keir: Well, will Mom, Bill, Grandpa, Eva, Bryn, Lis, and Nicki all be there too?
All of those people: Of course we will. We love you.
Keir: Awesome. So, will Grad Night go well?
DHHS: Natch. Peace out.

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