August 04, 2005

Eat Spam and Die

Which is, of course, Klingon for All Your Ohio Are... oh, never mind. This whole thing is way too meta and web-geeky, but the sheer stupidity of the argument has to be gutchecked, and roly-poly ass-kicker Steve Gilliard is just the man to do it.

Paul Hackett's failed bid to unseat Brunhilde of the Cincinnatti Yahoos provided the latest spark for another binge of hysteria on Kos. Now, I'm a regular visitor to that site and I like the Kos hysterics, cause really, what's more fun than watching otherwise smart people go totally apeshit at other people who they'll never meet face to face? Lots of things, sure, but I'm not talking about important stuff- just spam.

Mostly the flap had to do with people freaking out about other people freaking out about spamming their friends and relatives with emails begging everyone to support a candidate for a congressional district that was entirely irrelevant to 99.9% of the country. Never mind that Hackett has big brass forged-in-Iraq ones and called the President a sonofabitch. Never mind that the race was much closer than it should have been. Hackett's problem was that he basically asked people to mass email anyone they could in support of his campaign.

Now, I'm sure we've all been recipients of some form or another of Crackpot Republican Email Forwards. Those are funny, harmless, and of course totally untrue. What bores me these days are the MoveOn emails I keep getting even though I've marked them all over the place as junk. Not just those, but anything from Nancy Pelosi or random hacks at the DCCC. Why? Because I already know this stuff, and I'm not going to forward it to other people just so I can feel like I've been a good little pseudo-activist.

SusanG on Kos says tough shit, you poser, we're just gonna have to annoy some people or nothing's gonna change! Well, Sue, then I'm not the guy to do it. I sent out a weepy post-election email that I thought people would be sympathetic to and when some weren't (as I should have known were I thinking), I did that oh-so-liberal thing called empathy and reversed roles, coming to the conclusion that I looked way too passionately interested in this stuff to be let outside among the public. Aside from how lazily judgemental that shows me to be, I don't mind the world knowing this. Everyone who received that email now knows that I'm a pathetically weeping loser who freaks out when dipshit candidates like Kerry ruin my 28th birthday by losing elections to dipshit Republicans like the President. Which is, you know, great for altering that whole "Democrats are pussies" meme.

On the other hand, I got a note back from 2d Lt Clemente, which was one of the most bittersweet and funniest things I've read since, well, since the last thing like that he said in high school. On the other other hand, I got a note back from my high school girlfriend, who now probably feels even better about dumping me 9 years ago, saying pretty much that I was too stupid to breathe and I hated America and didn't I know Michael Moore was fat and all that other wingnut crap- all punches that I had to grin and take because I was dumb enough to expose myself, once again, as a Hypersensitive Prick. The few others who responded to me as well (uh, those who didn't offer terse replies like "yeah, it sucks, man"), upon reflection, also seemed to be overly sensitive types. We all had a good cry.

Nah, we didn't, really.

Jesus, that's a long way from a now irrelevant election result in Ohio. Point is, I guess, that if I'm not going to sell candy bars for Little League (which I loved playing), if I'm not going to cold-call clubs to book band gigs, and if I'm not willing to do all the other interactive shit that seems to be required to get people to care about anything at all, then no, I'm not going to spam anyone with political email anymore. It was like my first hangover- once is fucking enough, thanks, and I'm not going to embarrass myself like that again. Call me a poser- I don't care. I did jack shit last year when it came to actual political involvement. I only went to one rally, and that was across the street and I got to hang around with teachers and tell the city that our Austrian-American governor is an asshole.

I'm not doing political email anymore. Well, unless the Rude One keeps up his brilliance. Everyone ought to read that stuff.

Anyway- the moral of the story is Spam Bad, Ohio Lame, Keir Poser.

But you already knew that, right? What the fuck else is new?


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  2. Wow, speaking of spam...

  3. Haha

    Hey, where did you get this layout/template? It's real spiffy.

  4. Made it myself!

    Which means, though, that some things still don't work right- but half the fun is finding out what's broken...


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