September 22, 2008

Death to East Coast Baseball Snobbery

I've mentioned this before, but my violent prejudice against East Coast baseball teams truly knows no bounds. The sniffling arrogance that gushes westward from Boston, New York, and Philadelphia (and even Baltimore, when they're feeling all Earl Weaver-uppity) is one of the most toxic substances ever created by man, and it's something I will oppose vigorously whenever I come in contact with it:

[The East Coast Baseball Snobbery] quotient is a real phenomenon. While visiting Fenway Park in 2005 (when the Sox failed to make the postseason), my wife and I were subjected to the bubbly smugness of our ditzy 21st-century Fenway staff tour guide, who, when I asked her which teams she liked to see play in Fenway besides the Sox and Yankees, snidely replied "there are no other teams, DUH."
Well, the joke's on her, because the Sox are now the Yankees, and hey, in case you hadn't heard, the House that Ruth Built was finally put out of its misery this weekend. Rob from 6-4-2 offers his condolences to the Bronx:

Is Yankee Stadium Dead Yet?
I have had more than enough of the national media tripping over themselves to tell us how great the old Yankee Stadium is, how it's a kuh-thee-drul, and so on; call me an apostate, call me a heretic, but I could not care less. The evidence is in, though, that the new park is an ATM for a team that scarcely needs it, paid for at public expense and despite the expressed wishes of the people who actually live in the neighborhood. Smaller by almost 10,000 seats, it's hard to imagine why anyone will be happy about the new park unless they have an in with the city.

The wrecking ball can't come fast enough. The rest of us have a postseason to look forward to that, mercifully, doesn't contain the most overfed and annoying team in baseball. Even if it's only for one season, that is an event I've been anticipating for years.
Now, as a Padre fan (Yeah, yeah, the Friars were excrable this year. Boo frickety hoo) I can sort of relate to that stadium boondoggling, but since I don't live in San Diego, I'll never feel the pinch of it. Rob isn't done, though; he then refers us to a blog for Cleveland, Let's Go Tribe! that sports the most ruthless eloquence I've ever seen, a Yankee Stadium obit that is gloriously Mencken-worthy in its vitriol:

Cesspool Scheduled for Demolition
In just seven years, the Yankees took the highest payroll in the sport and tripled it, shattering any illusions of a level playing field and turning the sport into a competitive joke. Once a hated but worthy adversary, the Yankees were transformed from a symbol of American excellence to a symbol of American arrogance, of wretched excess, of unfair advantage, of winning by cheating rather than competing, of performance enhancing drugs and cosmetic surgery, of buying it rather than competing to win. On the field, they were a club that started every inning on third base, and in the stands, their fans thought they'd hit a triple.They attracted fewer fans who were in love with the sport, and more freakishly obsessive front-runners who oozed entitlement like a toxic pus. The overspending Yankees begot the overspending Red Sox, and the putrid Yankees fans begot the incomprehensibly obnoxious Red Sox Nation. You could spend the rest of your life smacking these people, really hard, and it wouldn't be nearly enough.
Read the whole thing. It's viciously excellent. Go Cubs!! Death to East Coast baseball snobbery!!!

2 comments:

  1. haahahaahahaahha.. cubs.. good luck with that.

    ReplyDelete
  2. hahahaha...irony...good luck with that.

    ReplyDelete

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