June 26, 2010

Seven Sobering, Selfish and Simplistic Soliloquies

Don't let other people's hang-ups fuck with your art.
—Keir DuBois
Same old deep blue green ocean view. It's almost too good to be true. Same bliss and doubt, day in day out. It's all about deluge and drought, deluge and drought and no surprise on this horizon. Same myth is strong in every song: stuck on the wrong island too long, island too long with no surprise on this horizon, no surprise on this horizon.

<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/island-fever-2">Island Fever by Honey White</a>

Familiar wreckage in the aftermath of fucking up again, as awful as if it took all I had to fail in the end. Forever overwhelmed too easily and always so behind, as if I ought to lose a piece of me to win some peace of mind—cause I get along here, but I don't belong here. Ain't difficult to keep believing it, but I'm not gonna crack, If this is all there is I'm leaving it, and never coming back, cause I get along here but I don't belong here. Yeah I get along here, but I don't belong here.

<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/famous-last-words">Famous Last Words by Honey White</a>
I wanna make it easy, I wanna make it quick. I wanna make it painless, sugar—and this should do the trick. A little limber racket, a little lick of fun, a little liberation never upset anyone. Hold still—this won't hurt a bit. You will learn to live with it. I need you to accept it. I need this understood. I need you to appreciate it's all for your own good. Hold still—this won't hurt a bit. You will learn to live with it. I'm under way, I'm unabashed, I'm unashamed to work up passion, I'll take what's mine, and everything is all right, darlin'—and everything is fine. Hold still—this won't hurt a bit. You will learn to live with it. mp3
Crawling toward another beautiful blank sunrise, west of home and east of everything else we prize, with one hand on the bottle, one foot out the door, and one eye shut pretending that we've seen it all before. I wouldn't know I'm having fun, but I wouldn't stop for anyone, cause if I need to think at all, somebody else will take the fall. It's only the peak of my career—no wonder it's all downhill from here. We know we'll never have it all by any reckoning, but we can't resist the hotter property beckoning. Tonight the power couple is not two of a kind, and two against the world isn't what they had in mind. I wouldn't know I'm having fun, but I wouldn't stop for anyone, cause if I need to think at all, somebody else can take the fall. It's only the peak of my career—no wonder it's all downhill from here. We're living in a terrible wreck of our own design, and everybody's reputation is on the line. But no one needs a blessing—we're not on holy ground—as long as we remain inside our happy heathen town. mp3
The heat is high but I know my way and nothing so wrong will happen today. I have been kicked out of nations, I have died on reservations—losing every lead, learning how to bleed, spinning like a toy isolate destroy. You have no idea what you did to me and lately you're so sure it's good to be without security, and though all things end baby—all things end—I just don't know when I'll begin again. So honey take a bow I hope you're happy now that almost everyone can see that day is done. Cause I been kicked out of nations, I have died on reservations—spinning like a toy isolate destroy. Your security is no good to me you have no idea what you just did to me I've got to turn around and face the sunset down—got to turn around and face the sunset down cause the heat is high but I know my way and nothing so wrong will happen today. mp3
You call this archaeology? It's desecration, man—exhuming ancient melodrama just because you can. You're way too busy ripping fiction from the facts to notice that the fossil record's still intact, but I know what happened, I know what went down, and nobody rewrites history as long as I'm around. You call this therapeutic? it's reckless shuck and jive, manipulating dead emotions just to feel alive. Cause everything was epic until you lost the plot and wound up with an epilogue that everyone forgot, but I know what happened, I know what went down, and nobody rewrites history as long as I'm around. You call this creativity? it's kleptomania! You keep a muzzle on the muse, she'll keep betrayin' ya, She knows all your secrets, she knows when you lie, she knew all about you when you were some other guy, and she told me what happened, so I know what went down, and nobody rewrites history as long as I'm around.
The day you threw me back out in the open, I fell apart a thousand times and then I hit the ground so hard I knew that everything was broken beyond all hope of healing clean and sober, safe and sound. But tonight the town's electric, and I'm a lightning rod, and I can shake it off without another second thought. I used to wanna be the main attraction so bad that no one else would ever do me any good, and up until you took evasive action, I never gave my heart away—not even if I could—but tonight the town's electric, and I'm a lightning rod, and I will give it up for anybody on the spot and just let go. Tomorrow ain't a threat to my behavior, and all that I can do is stick around to wait and see if I could ever be somebody's savior now that everybody knows you got the best of me. But tonight, tonight the town's electric, and I'm a lightning rod, and I can take a shock as well as any son of god.

Version 1 (2002):
<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/the-lightning-rod">The Lightning Rod by Honey White</a>

Version 2 (2006):
<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/the-lightning-rod-2">The Lightning Rod by Honey White</a>

June 17, 2010

Eight Fables About Action, Inaction, and Distraction

If I'm part of a problem, but not part of the problem, then it's not really your problem.
—Keir DuBois
For many years now, I've forgotten my dreams—if I ever remember at all. Reality wants my attention more often, so I always come when she calls, and I'm getting used to the pull of routine and the comfort of my fatal flaws. Cause I never really found Boredom attractive, but she won't stop flirting with me. She don't understand that I can't reprimand her for such innocent flattery, and I used to think I could hold out forever—but she's circling patiently. For many years now, I've forgotten the fear—but now I remember it all. The nerves and the pressure of one good impression are making my confidence crawl, cause I've got a date with Ambition tonight but she's not returning my calls.

<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/fatal-flaws">Fatal Flaws by Honey White</a>

Get busy bringing out the cheap tequila. It's awful, but I just can't put it down. Here comes another drinking song, but I can't help myself—lately the hangovers and hang-ups hang around, and suffer like a half-assed work of fiction within the steady grip of epic funk. If talent jumps a generation, here it skipped them all—as if it's easier to deal with it drunk, and sing one last hallelujah before we say good night. The liquor's flowing all over creation, and even though by now it's way too late, I'll have a little rum and honey, you can nurse your gin—and we'll pretend to finally set the record straight, cause your attention span's a starving artist, and it's high time you finally did some good. Who do you think you are now, honey? What do you take me for? Get off the cross—it's cold, we need the firewood. And if you're going back to town alone, you better keep your halo out of sight, and sing one last hallelujah before you say good night.

<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/one-last-hallelujah-2">One Last Hallelujah by Honey White</a>
Survival on the naked truth has saved another boring youth from having any bit of fun, or getting close to anyone—and by the time I bought the myth an amateur could deal with, I heard the luck was running out for everybody anyhow. Come on love—forget about the pressure and the fear, cause we can't afford to waste another year. It used to mean the world to me, but chasing down elusive dreams and second-guessing everything is so unhealthy, mon ami. Come on love—forget about the pressure and the fear, cause we can't afford to waste another year. Here we come now, here we come—so unprofessional to some—but we know better, we know best, and we'll endure nevertheless. Come on love—forget about the pressure and the fear, cause we can't afford to waste another year.

<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/unprofessional-2">Unprofessional by Honey White</a>
Too lazy if I work, too nervous if I steal. Too heavy if I hurt, too harmless if I heal. Too smart to waste the effort, too stupid to appeal to anyone too superficially unreal. So please have mercy on me—I don't know what I want to be. Too many hours later, too much is still the same. Too close to losing everything and too scared to play the game. Too good to get the credit for taking all the blame, and too thirsty for the glory to feel any shame. So please have mercy on me—I don't know what I want to be. Too noisy on location, too quiet on the set to notice if I might deserve exactly what I get. Too casual in theory to really break a sweat, and too busy at the moment to care about that yet. The choice ain't ever up to me, and it's not the life I want to lead, so please have mercy on me—I don't know what I want to be.

<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/mercy-rule">Mercy Rule by Honey White</a>
A few weeks into summer, and I've yet to see the sun illuminating anything the way I want it done. It's not for lack of trying, and not for lack of fun, but I got tangled up beneath the losers and the lost—ripping into frenzy just to get the point across, and desperate to win it all no matter what the cost. If only you could see me now. If only you could see me now. I knew what I was doing—I knew it all along. I knew when not to worry all about the right or wrong of ending up anonymous and dying to belong. If only you could see me now. If only you could see me now. Don't know if it'll ever be enough for anyone to believe me when I promise that I've only just begun to keep myself from sinking into sweet oblivion. If only you could see me now. If only you could see me now.

<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/sweet-oblivion">Sweet Oblivion by Honey White</a>
Somehow we began the night invincible as ever, and always so impulsive or inspired. Somehow we're all ending up immobilized together, and always so oblivious and tired. Suddenly it's all about denial on a bender, and everyone's so easily impressed. Suddenly it's all about the easiest surrender, and definitely blacking out the rest, forgetting everything I know and then dissolving into history again. The waves are rolling in again, allmighty and illegal, and I'm already in over my head. The volume is intensive and the impacts are for real and no one is immune who isn't dead.

<a href="http://honeywhite.bandcamp.com/track/blacking-out">Blacking Out by Honey White</a>
When I was younger, I was still insane—I looked like Abel and I felt like Cain. I learned to fear, I learned the art of war—until I guess I couldn't take it anymore. or else I got too callous—so I grew up and I approached the bomb with automatic cool and heroic calm, methodically defused her right in time, and now our reason overrules our rhyme and interrupts our rhythm. So, why upend the balance? Sometimes I feel okay, and deal, and I give up but then sometimes I feel like tempting fate again, or wreaking havoc every now and then, or risking everything I got to slash and burn up past another point of no return, and leave the rest in ruins. So why upend the balance? Sometimes I feel okay, and deal, and I give up but tonight—tonight I feel like tempting fate again.
Still up against the way it always will be, and shackled to the way it's always been. Still opposite the center of attention, and banished to the outside looking in. Forgiven any consequence of any reckless stunts, as long as I do anything to win. Don't matter if I can't move like I used to, or even if I think as slow as sin, or even if I don't know any better, or if a soul is underneath this skin—cause all the broken pieces always snap back into place as long as I do anything to win. Cause I can take a dive, yeah I can take a fall—but as soon as I can take control I'm gonna take it all. So when the worst of here and now is over, and dangerous charades are wearing thin, and aftershocks are right around the corner, and ever after's itching to begin, I'll look out on the promised land, the king of all I see—as long as I do anything to win. Oh yeah, I would do anything—it's been too long, I'm bound to hit the wall. Cause I can take a dive, yeah I can take a fall—but as soon as I can take control I'm gonna take it all.

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